May 03 2009
Autism: Should an autistic person have a baby?
Should children on the spectrum ever have a child of their own?
It has been a resent popular discussion in autism discussion rooms…sparking controversy wherever it has appeared.
Some wonder about the intentions behind such a birth. Is it the wish of the potential grandparents to have a grandchild? Perhaps a spouse who wished to instill their genes for the future? What about the autistic person themselves? Are they capable of raising a child?
With the differences between those on the spectrum and the individual severity in which autism affects each individual, this is one topic that is clearly one for debate.
Who is to say that an individual is unfit for parenthood? How do you deny an adult who functions to care for themselves the ability to have a child of their own if they so wish?
Certainly, there are circumstances that allow room for discretion. There are women who have reared children that are normal and healthy even though they are on the spectrum. In addition, there are cases where a severely autistic woman has had a baby that she could not care for.
What is the cut off line? Who determines an individual’s ability to have a child beyond that of physical ability?
Not me, that is for certain. In fact, my mother has even told my romantic partners to not me pregnant.
Who is she to decide? Why would she go behind my back and say this to whom I have been dating for years? Does she know something I do not?
I will not argue the abilities of those on the spectrum, only my own functionality and ability. Both of which continue to increase in spite of my own advancing age of 31. I knew when I was 20 that I was not ready for a child, and in my own opinion that gives weight to my wishes to pursue pregnancy at this point in my life.
I have three sisters who all had children or pregnancy when they were not ready. One with an abortion and two with pregnancy before 18. How can it be argued that I am impaired to the point of not knowing if I am ready for a child?
It took some time for me to mature to this point, but I am great with kids to say the least. When I was 18, I worked in a daycare and I absolutely know what it takes to physically care for a child. Beyond that, I know what it means to love a child, to have them in your daily life, to sacrifice for your own desires and needs for them…as I also have take in my nieces and nephew during desperate times of my siblings. I sacrificed sleep, sanity, food, time, and gained so much more from the experiences.
I learned from these experiences, lost relationships to care for these children, and sacrificed the friendships I once had with my siblings to care for these children. I may not have been ready at that time for my own, but at that time, they became very much like my own.
I used to sing them to sleep every night. Protected them from harm, no matter the source, helped them with potty training and school work, sacrificed my nights of sleep when they needed comfort, and gave of all of myself regardless of the limitations that my own autism has given me, Just like a true parent, I went beyond what I thought were my own limitations and surpassed the expectations of those around me; however, the most important thing is that I cared for them as if they were my own and met their every need and then some. If love were the only measure, then I would get 110 of 100. If care were the only measure, I would get 110 of 100. Moreover, if caring for two autistic children by an autistic adult could be measured, I would be off the chart.
There is so much to me, beyond that of my autism. There is so much to individual people on this planet, beyond their own struggles and weaknesses. I am not a book…I have no definable cover. Only an individual with the same American dream. To prosper with a family and to be happy.
I am happy now, but my pursuit of happiness also includes that of just one single child of our own. I have so much to give. Should you be so selfish to block my desire to pass on my own self, complete with love, to a child of my own?
I am not the child I once was, nor am I a single word often used to define me. I am Jessie.
If we accept that we have done our best, then we limit ourselves to that level of success.
I will never be satisfied…
