An adult autistic perspective on growing up on the Autism Spectrum.

I began this response to an article a woman wrote about the life of a family with a severely autistic child. They did not give me enough room to post my thoughts so I brought it here and left my blog link for her to follow. The fact that my post will probably not see the light of day in her over 200 comments section also motivates me to see to it that I am heard. 

Speaking up is what I must do in this case, so here it is: 

It is certain that any article containing such a controversial subject such as aborting babies and cynical views of a life so different from your own would be a popular debate. Should we not remind ourselves that all of our lives are different? No one wants to do the dirty jobs, yet your trash is hauled off and your own excrement is dealt with by some person braver than you are. A life on the spectrum is lived not only by those afflicted with it, but also by those who are touched by it. If you were to have to change adult diapers in a nursing home you would probably hate your job, yet reality is that we all could potentially be that person in need of that change. There is someone in life to deal with all the nastiness of it. Our own dead bodies will have people to clean, deplete of blood, fill with embalming fluid, and even put make up on. You may not want the job, but it is a job that has to be done. Hate not the helpless and judge not the different, there is room enough even for autism…. 

The above was the beginning and here is what I really wanted to say: 

We do not get to choose what our children will look like. Blue eyes are as genetic as blonde hair and the potential for health conditions. There are cases in pregnancy that a severely deformed fetus is aborted and I will not debate the right or wrong of it. 

I will however debate a person’s view of a life unlived by them. How can you judge what you yourself have not experienced? You can stand outside the fence and take pictures of moments in time, but those moments and that experience is your own and reflects nothing more than a snapshot you took with your finger at an opportune moment of your own choosing. Your perception is also your opinion and although it is appropriate to own your own experience, it is completely false that your experiences are a mirror image of the experiences of others. It is irresponsible of you to attempt to describe a life as ruined by a child on the spectrum. 

In fact, many in the same shoes as your “friends” have used words such as fulfillment, satisfaction, special, miraculous, and perfect when describing their lives with a child on the spectrum. All parents have used the words difficult, tiring, impossible, unable, frustrating, and disrupted when describing their own children’s behaviors. It is not a unique phenomenon that when a child enters the world that the life of the parents are dramatically changed. 

Recently, Robin Quivers of the Howard Stern Show on Satellite Radio described a close friend who spent months in bed just to have her baby. On a resent phone call to her friend she quoted her as saying, “I have not had a moment to myself…I can not even use the bathroom without being interrupted.” She also made reference to this woman wanting to, “throw the baby out the window.” 

To assume that today designates tomorrows outcome is not only short minded, it is ignorant. Of course, not all children with autism are savants. How many normal children will be rocket scientists? Should we count the triumphs of modern society paved way by these savants? With out this most diverse population of genius and savant ness there would still be much we do not know. These “gifts” are products of their autism and their autism did not ruin your life to bring you the advancements you continue to enjoy. 

My perfect point, in my perfect autistic world, and in my perfect way of wanting to be perfect is that there is a place for all of us. We all fit in somewhere. That is the perfection of difference, the perfection of human willingness to conquer challenges and make happiness in spite of the hand and life we are dealt.  

So, in your world you are a writer who can take apart a persons life and describe only the horrors that the particular family you chose to choose these supposed atrocities from. You can have your purgative, but that does not give you the right to disseminate everything you assume as destroying their lives and leave out what is so right with it. 

Of course, it can be concluded that so much is perfect in your world and your family that you can pretend to be an authority on autism. I forgot that I am not the only perfectly autistic person in the world. 

You selectively took the bad things from this woman’s family, the same way that some of us on the spectrum selectively eat only green M and M’s. Does that mean we should too have a test for stupidity and closed mindedness? Are these inherent attributes enough to call for an abortion too? Maybe we should fill hypodermic needles with a cocktail of euthanasia and rid the world of all that you seem to think is wrong with it.  

Of course, that would lead to the total annihilation of the human and animal population but not before we give up our humanity, kill our sense of humors, and perfect what is clearly not intended to be perfect. Only then will autism, stupidity, and closed mindedness be eradicated forever. 

It is our differences that make the world go round.  

In addition, if there is room enough for the short sightedness of a person like you, going about snapping mental pictures in time to later pick apart for your own amusement, then there certainly is room for an autistic woman to come along and pick you apart for my own piece of mind. 

Thank you to all who read this and please know that it is intended for a poor soul who would advise abortion of a fetus who tested positive in utero for autism. Her opinions stem from a far off look over the fence of a friend who is going through some of the most trying times of raising a child on the spectrum. Her attempt to predict the future of this 7-year-old boy leaves everyone he comes into contact with destroyed and unhappy with their live completely ruined. 

Even in light of the fact that advancements are being made in the treatment of autism and that there are varying degrees of autism she would still recommend an abortion. The only other fault of her article was that she left out the possibility that autism is not merely genetic and could have other causes. 

I must say she did highlight some of the most difficult aspects of autism. That it is trying, consuming, and life changing. I hope that I have changed her life. I hope that I have opened her eyes some. 

In addition, as a responsible writer I must admit her article has positive aspects. Being that all sides must be told. One of the most functional parts of her article is that it is bringing both those affected by the spectrum and those ignorant of it together in a large discussion. Thus, the goal of educating others about autism is being reached.  

I would further like to thank her for the last 5 hours that I have spent writing about it. This time is for those on the spectrum, their families, for educating others about autism, and for my own individual advancement as a person. 

I have truly grown.

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