An adult autistic perspective on growing up on the Autism Spectrum.

You may have noticed my lack of posts over the last couple of weeks. I went on vacation and when I got back, I got to help shut down the department I was working for as the corporation decided that we were not making enough money.

Instead of just shutting down; however, we transitioned to another company. Therefore, many contracts had to be transitioned over as well as equipment and employees.

So far, I have not been included as one of those employees. I managed to get all of the Spanish-speaking employees new applications filled out, but have yet to be given an application to move to the new company.

So added to the stress of shutting down the division, I have been in panic mode over my potential loss of a job. Combine that with the fact that the person I work for is my other half and that he has finally told me that he is not sure he wants me to work for the new company or not and I am trying decide if I should cry or be angry.

It all comes down to my autism. There are still aspects about my behavior that are difficult to deal with, and although I am able to maintain myself in an office environment, I understand that I am very difficult to be around on a twenty-four hour basis.

Honestly, I cannot blame him for his hesitance. This was the first time we have been together on a majority of twenty-four hours a day and there have been issues. The way the new company is organized, he will not be in the office with me all of the time. I wonder if his apprehension is my autism becoming apparent to the employees at this new company and if I will embarrass him.

The unfortunate thing about my complete focus into activities is that I cannot get into a conversation very quickly and having people trying to talk to me when I am immersed deeply into an activity, my attempts at communication can be quite difficult as I slowly emerge from my fog.

I can only hope that he will at least give me a chance. I am good at everything I have ever put myself into doing. It is my autism that is the obstacle; however, I have been managing my autism, working part-time to full-time, and going to college. In spite of my autism, I know that I have managed successfully over the last five years.

Hoping that tomorrow will bring an application to the new company and that I will not be excluded from yet another part of the normal world just because of my autism.

I asked him thins weekend about my application and he told me that he is not sure yet what he is going to do. He gave me a great compliment and then followed it with a bomb. “Sometimes you are the best employee I have ever had, and other times, you are the absolute worst.”

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