An adult autistic perspective on growing up on the Autism Spectrum.

 I made it another year, YIPPIE!

Thirty-one now and I am hoping that my biggest present is not another 15 pounds like last year. Okay, I am growing up, getting old actually. Last year was the first time I actually felt older. This year is the same.

One of my friends actually laughed at me to night when I told her I felt old; however, for her proclaimed 58 I can only pray that I look as good.

Each year I reflect on what I have accomplished since my last birthday. Unlike most adults, I can still see how I am growing up. So why do I suddenly feel older? Could it be that I am actually starting to look older and gaining weight? Or is it because I am finally able to see some adultness within my behavior?

It is probably both. This next year I am anticipating some major changes. I hope to secure a position with a school or daycare or a program that works with children on the spectrum. Of course, I will only be an aid or helper, but it is the beginning of my career. Wow, a career. That one little word definitely solidifies that I am getting older.

Although I do feel and look older, I know that I am still growing up. Part of having autism is that as you progress and increase your awareness, the ability to achieve further maturity also expands. I only hope that I will never lose that child ness within me that allows me to relate so personally with children. That aspect of youth I hope will forever be mine.

I see so many adults who have forgotten what it is like to be six and thus are unable to tolerate certain youthful behaviors.

Do you remember what it was like to be six? Are there pictures in your head still that remind you of a simpler time when your worries were what toy to play with or weather or not you would actually have to eat that last brussel sprout on your plate?

Sometimes I still wish for the ignorance, which is so quickly fleeting me. Today, I embrace its vanishing effects as the darkness continues to wane and I awaken each day to a bigger world.

Happy Birthday to me.  

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