Jun 30 2008
Autistic adolecence: Can’t choose or make a decision.
Your daughter is entering into adolescence. During this time they become very concerned about how the outside world sees them. She will reflect on everything as she is learning how she fits into the world. This is very normal behavior. To suddenly question how others feel about what she thinks. She is just growing up and onto a new phase where she will likely spend more time doing her hair and picking out what to wear, ect. Not everything we go through is related to our autism. We are affected by our autism in everything we do, but we still grow up and go through the necessary stages to become adults. Dealing with her questions about whether or not you wanted her to make this choice or that choice, tell her you just wanted her to exercise her freedom to choose. That it is okay to pick what she likes and not have to worry about what anyone else thinks. Sit her down and talk with her. Let her know that you realize she is growing up and that part of that is learning to make decisions for herself based on her likes and dislikes. It is part of being an individual to have the right to choose and she can feel good about making choices on her own because she is her own person with as much right to the things she prefers as anyone else. As far as making decisions, she needs to know that she can consult you anytime. Also that you have faith in her abilities to make good decisions because she has good judgment. Let her know your faith in her decision making abilities and give examples. Also assure her that you will always be there to help her make difficult decisions. She needs to know that no one is right all of the time and that part of growing up is making mistakes. And when she does make a mistake you will work through it together. For you, relax a little. She is just experimenting with her place in this world and trying to model herself after those around her. A very normal part of development. Instead of telling her to choose and making it an uncomfortable situation for her with pressure, give her the option to choose who chooses. Then allow for sharing of the choosing. This time I will choose and next time you can choose if you like. Give her ample time to think out her decisions. One thing that helps me, as I have huge issues with making choices, is finding something to make for dinner on my night. You can try what we do in my home. We have several recipe books and consult allrecipies.com when looking for something to make for dinner. It is inspiring. The website even allows for you to enter your preferred ingredients and gives you recipes based on your choices. This can be a great way for her to practice choosing. You can make a weekly night of it and you never know what great stuff you will find to have for dinner! Allow for plenty of opportunities like that one, where she has a list of things to pick from and does not have to come up with one she pulled out of the sky. Instead of offering up good choice, ask her why she chose what she did. When she asks if you like it, say things like it: What matters is that you like it. Putting a sentence like I like it will influence her decision next time. Tell her you are trying to find out what she likes because you already know what you like and when it is your turn to pick you will pick what you like. Keep it neutral. Good luck and congrats on her reaching another milestone!
