An adult autistic perspective on growing up on the Autism Spectrum.

part-2-the-truth-about-lying-pt1.mp3

part-2-the-truth-about-lying-pt2.mp3

Age and context often designate our motive behind our statements.  Take for instance the following true story.  

If there had been no child involved would the circumstances have been the same?  After a car accident, I was bus bound for a few weeks with my two nieces.  One day, we were on our way to an appointment and I had one on one side of me and the older one sitting across the isle from me on the other. 

A heavyset woman gets on the bus and goes to sit next to the older one as the bus lurches forward.  The woman loses her balance and is plopped into her seat awkwardly, forcing my niece to stand up. 

I will never forget what happened next: 

“That big fat woman sat on me!” my five-year-old niece exclaims as she blatantly points in her direction. Her face scrunched up in anger with lips pouted out. 

Meanwhile, the poor woman is still trying to settle herself as everyone suddenly stares right at her. 

I try to settle her down but, “She could have crushed me!  I not breathe if she sat on me!”  Tears start to come down my nieces cheeks, she was scared, and taking this very seriously, I guess because I was not.  I was in shock and at a loss of how to respond. 

I get her to sit in my lap and pull the rope to signal for the next stop, all the while trying to quiet the continuing dialogue that flows from her lips.  More, “I could have died Aunt Jessie, she could crush me!” 

I could not get off the bus fast enough.  Nor could I find the words to adequately convey my sincere apologies to the poor woman, who was apologizing to us! 

As the bus pulls away, an older woman who had followed us off starts laughing.  “Kids say da darnedest things.”  She reaches down and takes my niece’s chin in her frail hand, “Honey, she didn’t mean you no harm.  Tis the bus almost knocked her on top of ya! Dry up dem tears young lady and go on now. Yur alright.” 

Now think about it, what do you say to this child right now so that this situation never happens again?  Whether you tell her to keep those words to herself, lying by omission, or you tell her to not use words like big and fat, lying by minimization, you are still teaching the positive aspects of being able to tell a lie.  

If this had occurred with an adult in place of my niece, the adult would have been perceived much differently and no kind woman with soft hands would have been there to help soothe away the tears.  

Hence the need to attempt at teaching even those with autism the ability to distinguish a good lie, even if you label it as being tactful.  Big and fat are not bad words, but if the context is such as above they are hurtful and looked upon as mean words.  Thus, those of us with more out spoken honest ways must develop a sense of what is acceptable or learn to lie a little.

Trackback URI | Comments RSS