Jun 10 2008
The Truth About Lying
Learning to lie is something we all have to do if we are to maintain healthy relationships.
For someone with autism it can be a particularly difficult concept to grasp.
If you are married, you probably remember the age-old question, “Honey, how do I look in this?” Moreover, if it looked bad, you probably thought about saying so. Perhaps you minimized and said it was a bad match to the shoes or some other nicer way of putting it.
I might just blurt out how big your butt looks in it or how fat you are without even thinking about your feelings.
The truth is, lying is a healthy part of being in a relationship.
Now I am not talking about big lies, just little white ones that allow us to function within a mutually giving and understanding relationship. Who would want to be friends with someone who cannot soften the truth a bit, face it: The truth hurts and lying is a necessary part of cohesive existence.
My daughter (5) has a friend who is suspected to have Asperger’s. Daughter adores said friend and frequently draws her pictures. Daughter is not a world class artist (I suspect she has similar fine motor skills delay, but I’m not fussing about it). One day she made a picture for her friend (scribbles), and her friend told her that it looked like scribbles and was not very good. She was being bluntly, brutally honest and Daughter’s feelings were hurt. Friend’s mother chastised her, but while I hate to see Daughter hurt, it was actually a good lesson for her. She needs to know that not everyone in the world is going to applaud everythign she does. She’s not the best at everything. I think her friend’s inability to lie may need to be mitigated with more tact, but makes her no less valuable a friend.
Lying can be described in several different way: omission and minimizing are included.
If the truth is that the picture in her opinion is ugly to her and she does not like it and says so in a way that hurts her feelings, at least it is the truth.
That sort of bluntness is expected from a child. As an adult; however, it may be harder for her to make friends or keep them.
I have plans for a Part to on this topic, maybe more.