May 24 2008
Routine…the road to inner peace.
Finding inner peace is very difficult for people with autism. We often find ourselves overwhelmed and unable to adapt to our surroundings.
I myself prefer my home and I do not like being in crowds. I can hear so much going on at once that I cannot focus on any one thing.
A couple of nights ago I went to the grocery store just before six pm. I grabbed my hand basket and started shopping.
I am usually able to avoid people by not going down crowded isles; however, everything I needed was down the most popular isles.
I could not get at some of the things I needed in one isle and I could not go forward or backward, so I pushed my way between two carts, surely offending someone.
My luck continued to diminish as I made my way to the meat department. It seemed every way I wanted to go there was someone with a shopping cart right in my way or coming at me. I tried to avoid people’s eyes and go around, just to find yet another shopper speeding towards me.
I was alone and beginning to really panic. I had to ground myself by taking a deep breath and focusing on my list. Although I did not get rid of my mounting anxiety, I was finally able to make my way to the produce department where there were fewer people.
I usually hit this area first, as if to prepare myself for the rest of the shopping; however, I did not need a big basket for six small items so I went to the other end of the store for a hand basket and started backwards.
Perhaps my veering from my normal routine is what set me off track.
I know that although I can function quite well from day to day, I still depend on routine procedure to keep me on track. I have a way of doing things in a certain order that helps me keep everything in focus.
I guess I do not pay too much attention to the fact that I still adhere to routines until I veer from them and find myself in an uncomfortable position.
Not that I can’t have variation in my life, I am able to adjust to new situations; however, when it involves something I already find uncomfortable or already have issues with, like shopping, it can be an undertaking in itself just to cope with the stress.
